There is plenty of advice on what you should say on a first date… but how about the things you should never say when you first meet?
1. I love you.
It’s a nice sentiment but it’s too soon babe. Too soon. You are in lust. Let me know if you still love ’em once the pheromones have worn off and you’ve seen them burp, fart and pick wax out of their ears.
2. Tell me about your ex.
Clearly an indication that you are prone to jealousy. You might as well go dressed as a big, old, green-eyed monster – it’s more subtle.
3. My ex always used to say that.
I mean who doesn’t love being compared to an ex? Or constantly reminded of an ex? Is there a bigger turn on? Yes, actually there is: being pelted with tomatoes, whilst listening to someone scratch their nails down a chalkboard.
4. You don’t look like your photo.
Honestly, who does these days? I’m surprised anybody actually recognises their own filter-free refection in the mirror anymore, let alone someone else’s.
5. Call them by the wrong name
You will BOTH be praying for the ground to swallow you up whole. Just, so utterly, unbearably, AWKWARD!
6. You’re paying for this right?
Good manners cost nothing. Plus, you’ll miss out on the cute ‘No, I’ll get this’ post-dinner debate that makes every waiter/waitress die a little on the inside.
7. My family are CRAZY!
If your main goal is to scare your date off, then congratulations – you may have just scored!
8. I’ve got another date after this one…
Honesty isn’t always the best policy. There might be plenty of fish in the sea and you might have the net, but no one wants to feel like small fry.
9. What do you think of me?
PSA: You don’t need anyone else’s approval.
10. I suddenly remembered…I have to go. Surely you can come up with a kinder, more imaginative alternative? Like getting your friend to call you with a fake emergency or…climbing out of the restaurant’s bathroom window?
There you have it, a list of the best things to say on a first date… NOT. 🤦