10 Things You Should Never Say to a Bisexual Person

20 Sep 2018

Comedian Ali Clayton on the 10 things you should never say to a bisexual person

1. Well, I guess everyone goes through an experimental phase.
Experiment? Really? My vagina nor my heart are an eighth-grade science fair project. I am a grown woman and how I identify is NOT a phase!

2. I’m not gay. I don’t usually like women; I only like you.
This has happened more than once, where girls want to hook-up but not go on a date. *Side note* I’m not a prude and I think everyone should have as much or as little (consensual, safe) sex as they want. However, saying you don’t like women, you just like me, makes no sense as I am a woman. Don’t project your shame onto me. If you can’t hold my hand in public then don’t kiss me in private. Bye Felicia! (I’m 30 is it still cool to say bye Felicia? Ah, who cares.)

3. So basically you just want to have sex with everyone?
No! I’m not a sex addict. I’m BI-SEXUAL! Uhhh just google it.

4. You’ll never settle down because being bi means you can’t choose; which means you’ll never be satisfied.
It does not mean that. Me being bi means I can be physically, mentally, and emotionally satisfied by a person regardless of whether they are male or female.

5. What’s wrong with you?
EXCUSE ME! This question is infuriating. Being a part of the LGBT+ community does not mean I’m broken.

6. She married a man. It’s not possible for her to be bi.
*sighs and puts head into hands* Refer back to #4

7. Men can’t be bi.
This is almost always said by a man whose biggest fear is being gay. Telling a fellow dude, “nice shirt” does not need to be followed by, “homo”. Open your mind and your heart bro, nobody is trying to steal your “manhood” from you. Sexuality is a spectrum. #AlfredKinsey

8. Clocks ticking. You better figure out your sexuality if you ever want to have a baby.
Thanks for your unwanted opinion on my biological clock; Surprisingly, I completely understand that when a sperm and an egg come together it makes a baby. No matter who I choose to have as my partner at the end of the day, I still have a functioning uterus meaning I can have a baby – even it is by my damn self if I so, please. At the end of the day it’s my life, my body, my choice; if I want to get a dog, name it baby, and push it around in a stroller then I will, goddamnit, I will.

9. Girl, you’re not bi-sexual. You just haven’t had the right d*^$ yet.
*fanning myself* My heart be still! Let me guess sir, your d*^$ is just the “right” d*^$? It’s the magical d*^$ that will cure me? Well, it’s so sad we will never find out because I would rather read the dictionary while having diarrhoea then waste one more moment of my life speaking with you.

10. This last one has been said to me by SO many men (men that barely know me). “So bi-sexual huh? You wanna have a threesome?”
Noooooooooooooo! And if I decide I want to, it will be with a person who I like and respect, not some random dude who looks and speaks to me like I’m a piece of meat.

Written by Ali Clayton

www.aliclaytoncomedy.com

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